Abortion is a hot-button issue these days, but it’s really not very complicated — it’s a life-saving medical procedure and a vital component of family planning. People should be able to choose when and how they start a family and should, of course, be able to terminate a pregnancy if there is a risk of death or illness to the parent or child.
Plus, there’s a real misconception among anti-choice advocates that women who have abortions are « baby killers » who hate families, which is just categorically false.
Reddit user ggfthbk recently opened up to the mothers of r/Mommit about her abortion, writing that she still wants to have children one day.
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The post read: « I hope it’s ok to ask this here, but I (19F) had an abortion months ago and am still recovering. I now know for 100% certain I want to be a mother someday, and it is my biggest dream; my question is, have any of you had an abortion in the past, and did it affect you having kids afterward (emotionally or physically)? Again sorry if this is the wrong place to ask, just really looking for some reassurance that there is still hope for me, thank you. 🤍 »
Here’s what a few of the hundreds of moms who responded to her had to say:
1.« I’m sorry the anti-choice industrial complex has somehow convinced you that merely ending a pregnancy has irreparably broken your reproductive system. You need to know that that isn’t the case and the people and organizations that told you that it are lying to you because their ultimate goal is to have control over women’s bodies. I got pregnant at 22, had an abortion (with no regret), and am now pregnant with my second baby at 36. My first was born when I was 34, and she is the fucking coolest little toddler I have ever met. The abortion was 100% the right choice for me, and having my babies now is 100% the right choice. Go forward with your life knowing that you made the right choice now for both yourself and your future baby or babies should you decide to have them. »
2.« I also had an abortion at 19 and was absolutely certain that it was my dream to be a mother one day. At 19, it would be an understatement to say that I did not have my shit together, and I would have been unable to be a good mother and provide for my child in any way. I knew this and made the decision to terminate. I had my first daughter at 30, and second at 32. It will be okay 🤍. »
3.« I had one at 19 as well. I was a complete mess. Addicted to drugs (continued to use even after finding out I was pregnant). Couldn’t stop, didn’t know who the father was (again, a complete mess). I toyed around with the idea that I should keep it but ultimately came to the conclusion that I couldn’t. It wouldn’t be fair to bring a child into the world when I was barely hanging on myself. I felt super guilty and told myself I would never get one again; the LEAST I could do was get on birth control or use condoms. Now, I’m 26, happily married, sober, and had my beautiful, healthy baby girl three weeks ago. I don’t regret my decision, but I absolutely learned from it and vowed to myself I would never put myself in that position again. (No judgment on abortion, I just had a hard time dealing with knowing I did it to myself.) »
4.« Abortion at 21, first kid at 31, second now at 36. When I had my first daughter, I was so ridiculously grateful that I got to make the choice to start my family with an awesome husband, stable home situation, post-grad degree, and financial security, I sent a thank you card to my abortion provider. It is THE best possible decision I could have made. It’ll be okay, OP ❤️. »
5.« I had an abortion at 19. It didn’t go well. I ended up hemorrhaging and having complications. The doctors said I wouldn’t be able to conceive. I had my son at 39, and I am unbelievably grateful to be a mother. I actually was never sure I wanted to be, and after having been told I couldn’t, I accepted that. For the most part. At the most difficult part of my life, I found out I was pregnant. It was as if someone reached down from the heavens and pulled me up. Gave me a reason to be. Five years later, my son just started school in September, I’m coming up on that many years in recovery, and I have a lot more hope for the future. »
6.« Had an abortion at 19 after just getting with the guy and then had two more kids at 29 and 31 with the same guy. Of course, I was gutted at first, but knowing we had time and used it to make many great memories, I decided at the right time to go for a baby. It gets better; if you are not ready, you know. 🤍 »
7.« I had a medical abortion in between my children; I got pregnant on the first try with the second child, so no fertility issues! A lot of women who have an abortion already have kids or have kids in the future (or are even grandmothers already!). »
8.« A lot, and I mean A LOT of women have abortions and then go on to become mothers. Remember, the procedure for elective abortion is the same as for spontaneous abortion (miscarriage) and, in the vast majority of cases, does not impact your fertility. Exceptions would be if you had some scarring or infection, but there is honestly no reason at all to think that right now, and women who have not had abortions also occasionally have to deal with those issues. I have full confidence that you will be a wonderful mom when the time is right. 💜 »
9.« I also had an abortion at 19. I’m 31 and still don’t have one yet… I don’t regret it, but I still think about it probably three times a week. There’s a lot of pain that you can never tell people because you never know who your ally is. It’s also really frustrating when you try to have relationships with men who say they want the same but never make the right moves to have children. Wasted a lot of years hoping for a family with different ‘men.’ Personally, I won’t have kids until my partner and I are financially capable. If you ever need to let it all out, my DMs are open. Abortions can be a lonely experience. »
10.« Had an abortion at 23 and a kid at 33. The abortion did not affect me when I had my kid in any other way than feeling even more confident and my decision back then. »
11.« I haven’t had an abortion personally, but I have two friends who have, and they both went on to have beautiful and healthy babies when they were ready. As far as I know, your abortion shouldn’t impact your future fertility. I would recommend that you seek some counseling to make sure you address the trauma of the abortion. This was the right choice for you, but that doesn’t mean it was an easy choice. Make sure you take the time to heal both physically and emotionally so that you’ll be in good shape when you decide you are ready to be a mom. Sending lots of love. »
12.« Seconding this! I thought I’d dealt with everything before having kids, but when it came to having a cervical check in the middle of labor, I freaked the fuck out. It brought a lot of memories back, and I had a panic attack that my midwife was harming my baby. The sensations were very similar. »
13.« I have had an abortion. I took the pills, not the surgery. I was SO concerned about being able to get pregnant when the time came when I wanted a child. I actually asked my doctor about it, and she told me it was good news that I knew I could get pregnant and that having an abortion would not impact my ability to conceive and carry when I wanted to. She was right. It did not. Emotionally, I still mourn the choice I had to make privately and have discussed it in therapy and with close friends and my husband. I do not regret the choice; it was the right choice, but I regret putting myself in the position where I had to choose. »
14.« I can not speak on the emotional side, as everyone has a different story, but I had two D&C (dilation and curettage) procedures following miscarriages in the first trimester, and the procedure physically is the same as far as impact on the body. Both were following one typical healthy pregnancy. Following those two miscarriages, I did have two healthy pregnancies, resulting in two healthy babies. Both of those pregnancies had unique complications (bleeding). Still, they resulted in healthy babies carried to term. The complications could have been due to a multitude of things, including my age (in my 30s), but not really any known medical history to explain… sometimes things just happen in pregnancy. »
« My SIL had an abortion in her teens, and tragically, the doctor did damage to her cervix as part of the procedure. She had no issues getting pregnant when she tried, but at one point in her pregnancy, the doctor sewed her cervix to help ward off early labor. This can happen regardless of someone’s history; it was just something she now knows would likely need to be done in a future pregnancy if she has more kids. The main point of my SIL’s story is just to say to be open and honest about your medical history with your OBGYN. They would have found the issue with her cervix anyway (she had been told in her mid-20s by a doctor during a pelvic exam), but knowing your history is important just so the doctor can best serve your needs. »
15.« I had to undergo a termination for a wanted baby, due to medical reasons. It did not affect my ability to conceive again or impact the health of my second baby. It just means I now love my baby girl twice as hard, because I can’t give that love to my son. Make sure you get counseling or therapy. It really helped me to get my head around it all. Sending hugs. »
16.« Yes, absolutely. You’re going to be okay. I had one in my early 20s; we just weren’t mature enough and weren’t making enough money. It was a hard time coming to terms with it and doing it, but now, as a mother of two, I can tell you it was absolutely the right choice. I couldn’t have imagined how hard it would have been for me or my then-partner if we had gone through it, and I just have the best life and kids now. Trust yourself, and don’t worry, you can have a beautiful family later, too. »
17.« I had to undergo an abortion of a wanted pregnancy due to an incomplete miscarriage. It didn’t affect my ability to have two wonderful kids. My first pregnancy didn’t develop past five weeks and six days, but I didn’t start bleeding until I was 12 weeks. By then, the lab confirmed I had a miscarriage, but the bleeding didn’t stop for hours and didn’t slow down. My doctor sent me to the hospital, and in the span of the 15 minutes it took us to get to the hospital, I bled through my pad, my sweatpants, and two folded-up towels. The abortion saved my life. About a year after that, I got pregnant with my oldest, and two years after him, my second was born. Abortions save lives. Abortions are healthcare. I’m sure if it wasn’t for the abortion, I’d have bleed to death. I was already dizzy and nauseous from blood loss when we got to the hospital. »
18.« I had an abortion at 14 and then had three perfect and healthy children in my late thirties. I never felt like the abortion affected me in any way. It was 100% the right decision. My life would have turned out very shitty if I hadn’t had the abortion. And my current children would NEVER exist either. »
19.« I had an abortion when I was in college (accidental pregnancy, I wasn’t ready). Now, I have a 10-month-old baby. I was so sad about the abortion at the moment and for a long time afterward. Being a mother has been my dream for as long as I can remember, and I was so scared that it would affect my future pregnancy experience. However, time really does heal! As the years went by, thinking about it hurt less and less, and by the time I was ready to try to conceive (7 years after it), it wasn’t even in my mind, to be honest. I got pregnant easily and had a very happy pregnancy and delivery experience. Wishing you all the best! »
20.« I had to have a D&C when my body failed to abort my daughter at 4 months pregnant. Obviously, it emotionally screwed with me because she was wanted, but 13 years later, I just gave birth to her baby sister 6 months ago — my rainbow baby! ❤️ […] I was in Texas when I experienced my loss, but I carried her for 2 more weeks before they were willing to do the D&C. I can’t imagine going through that in Texas now. 😭 I’d have likely turned septic and died. »
21.« You’ll be fine honey!!! »
If you or someone you love had an abortion and went on to have kids, what was it like? Let us know in the comments, or through this anonymous form.