Feeling alone is the worst thing anyone can go through. According to a study published in 2019, human beings are designed to be social creatures, and as a result, loneliness can quickly become dangerous for a person’s health if it’s not dealt with quickly.
That said, too many people suffer from conditions that prevent them from living their best lives. The World Health Organization cited that mental health problems like depression deter people from performing their best at school and work and hinder their connection with friends and family.
Knowing this, everyone must be aware of the subtle signs someone is only pretending to be happy when they’re miserable. It’s unfortunate, but mental health is no joke and can cause people closest to them to make drastic decisions that can impact their lives for the worse.
How can friends, partners, and family members tell if someone close to them is faking their happiness? Most importantly, how does their behavior impact them in the long run?
The 10 subtle signs someone is only pretending to be happy when they’re really miserable:
1.They steer clear of meaningful conversations.
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Human beings need deep connections, so having conversations is necessary. A study published in 2021 found that both deep and shallow conversations lead to greater feelings of connectedness and enjoyment. However, unsurprisingly, deep conversations had the most significant impact.
That said, a subtle sign someone is only pretending to be happy when they’re miserable is if they avoid having these deep conversations.
Regrettably, most unhappy individuals dislike being reminded of their discontent. Consequently, they often deflect or dismiss questions that might prompt more profound discussion. They might laugh it off, sidestep the question, shift topics, or say, « Anyway, » to avoid delving into the intricate details of their lives.
So, if someone close always keeps things lighthearted and refuses to dig deeper, observe the other signs. You might find that your closest loved one secretly feels unfulfilled in life, leading to misery.
2.They isolate themselves and blame it on being « too busy. »
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Many people know one friend who is constantly too busy to get together. When invited to see a movie or visit, they typically respond with something like, « I’d love to, but I’m swamped. »
On the surface, this might sound like a valid excuse. Everyone gets busy; sometimes, people need a little space to relax. However, if someone constantly avoids their friends and family, this person is subtle; they only pretend to be happy when miserable.
There are plenty of reasons why people self-isolate themselves. Yet, according to General Psychiatry, isolation tends to be the result of anxiety and depression. Additionally, some individuals may use it to cut off excessive worry.
People should check in with loved ones they haven’t seen in a while. Sure, they might genuinely be busy or need a self-care day. However, if it’s been months without contact, don’t be afraid to give them a call or stop by. They might need it more than people think.
3.They act overly cheerful, almost unnaturally positive.
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Has anyone ever met someone who is super positive? Like, it can be early in the morning or pouring rain, and this person still manages to smile.
Individuals like this are rare and should be treasured. However, someone who remains consistently upbeat, even in dire situations, deserves support. Often, those who are overly optimistic may be experiencing the most turmoil. After all, holding back negative feelings can lead to its own set of challenges.
A 2019 study found that suppressing emotion is bound for someone’s health. Researchers found that expressing emotions is crucial for someone’s physical, mental, and overall well-being.
So, if someone spots an overly optimistic friend or family member, tell them they can always come to you if they’re struggling. Though they might not take it initially, it’s good to know that someone in this world has their back.
4.They joke about putting themselves down, but it feels real.
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Hearing a loved one speak negatively about themselves can be disheartening. Their vibrant personality and compassionate spirit make many feel the urge to shake them and gently help them see the truth.
However, a subtle sign that someone is only pretending to be happy is if they put themselves down but then claim to be joking.
Happy people don’t want any problems. They don’t want any conflict, and they certainly don’t want to address any insecurity issues they might have. Because of this, they always brush off any digs by laughing it off and saying that it’s just a joke.
Yet, this type of ‘joking’ can have drastic consequences if they don’t sort through their insecurity issues. According to a study published in the Journal of Affective Disorders, insecurity negatively impacted subjective well-being.
Knowing this, loved ones should always uplift them if they catch them putting themselves down. Saying, « Hey, don’t say that about yourself; you’re amazing, » means much more than most people think.
5.They rarely show a range of emotions.
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Whether their furry friend just passed away or they lost their job, a subtle sign someone is only pretending to be happy is if they lack emotional range.
Now, believe it or not, some people have the emotional range of a teaspoon. Unlike most people, these individuals aren’t fed up with colossal drama or trauma. Instead, they keep the same blank expression and insist they’re fine.
Yet, this isn’t normal as most people need to express their emotions, otherwise, it can have devasting consequences. According to a study published in 2017, accepting experiences (both good and bad) led to less stress and improved psychological health. However, to receive these emotions, ‘happy people’ need to express themselves.
That said, if someone close doesn’t usually express their emotions and is typically ‘blank,’ please check in on them. While some people can keep it together, the truth is that everyone has emotional outbursts at times. Hence, why not having them is all the more concerning.
6.They constantly keep busy to avoid facing their feelings.
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Listen, most people are guilty of being a work addict. With the price of groceries and rents seemingly never lowering, it’s unsurprising why most people need to keep themselves busy.
That said, there’s a huge difference between need and like, and a subtle sign someone is only pretending to be happy is if they like to keep themselves busy.
A complete disclaimer: it’s perfectly fine for individuals to feel passionate about their work. However, maintaining a healthy work-life balance is essential.
A study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that people with poor work-life balance experience decreased happiness. The authors explained that this is due to several factors, such as emotional exhaustion and unhealthy behaviors (e.g., eating poorly or not exercising).
This is why someone working 24/7 without ever taking a day off is such a major red flag. These individuals are running themselves dry and doing it because they want to distract themselves from how unhappy they feel. As a result, encourage those closest to take a breather and suggest a self-care day.
Though they might be against it, reminding them of the importance of self-care can quickly help knock any protests off.
7.They frequently complain about feeling unwell.
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Have you ever encountered someone who says they’re not feeling well regularly, even without apparent reason? A gentle hint that someone might hide their unhappiness behind a smile is if they often express these feelings — while pretending to be cheerful.
Now, to be clear, some people have unknown medical issues that cause them to feel sick. Yet, if someone claims that they went to the doctor and there was nothing wrong, observe their actions closely.
A study in 2004 cited that physical symptoms like joint pain, back pain, or gastrointestinal problems are common in people with depression.
Knowing this, loved ones must talk to their friends and family and pick up on subtle cues. It’s sad, but too many people go down a dark road due to feeling alone, so showing them they’re not alone means the world to them.
8.Their energy levels swing between extremes.
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A sign someone is pretending to be happy is fluctuating energy levels. Many with mental health issues experience crashes that affect their motivation to work.
One study published in 2009 confirmed these findings by stating that researchers found evidence of an overlap between fatigue and psychiatric disorders.
Consequently, it’s no surprise that crashes lead to a surge in ‘energy’ as individuals desperately attempt to catch up on their assignments. However, this reaction is likely driven more by anxiety and a survival instinct than by a true desire to complete the tasks.
So, knowing this, what should people do if they see a loved one struggling with motivation? According to researcher and author Alice Boyes Ph.D., it might be best to do activities together! Exercise together, eat together, go shopping together, and talk. All of these activities, though small, will have a significant impact on someone’s overall mental health.
RELATED: 10 Supportive Things To Say To Someone Struggling With Their Mental Health
9.They skip proper meals or have irregular eating habits.
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How often has someone heard their loved one say, « Oh gosh, I barely ate today. » They might be saying this on the outside because they were completely stacked and busy throughout their work day.
However, saying this constantly is a subtle sign someone is only pretending to be happy when they’re miserable.
Most unhappy people unconsciously don’t eat due to their intense feelings. One study published in the American Journal of Psychiatry cited that appetite changes were normal in people who have depression and can either increase or decrease their appetite.
Knowing this is important, as mental health isn’t something to be messed with. As sad as it is, people who suffer mentally can take drastic actions without a solid support system. So, if someone’s always skipping meals, show up for them. Whether it’s by talking to them an hour a day or stopping by with takeout, simple actions like this do matter.
10.They struggle with insomnia or poor-quality sleep.
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Too many people struggle with sleep. According to Sleep Disorders and Sleep Deprivation: An Unmet Public Health Problem, it’s estimated that 50-70 million people have a sleeping disorder.
This is concerning because it might result in higher rates of obesity, cortisol levels, mortality, and even depression. However, many people are not well-informed about the significance of sleep. Consequently, they think that difficulty sleeping is a common issue everyone faces.
However, a subtle sign of someone only pretending to be happy when miserable is if they fall into the same boat. Most people with mental health problems or even health problems tend to struggle to get a good night’s rest. And because of this, these same individuals suffer in silence.
So, if someone close tends to say often, « I barely slept » or, « I slept too much, » be sure to address the problem head-on. While it could be due to ‘simple stress,’ even simple stress can impact their health if they’re not careful.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in psychology who covers topics such as self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology.
